I see food, and I eat it. I can do this. 195. Use this space for describing your block. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 156. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. I dont worry about getting older. 183. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. 73. When they go away, its a brighter day. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. 224. At night, I cant fall asleep. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 173. Breasts dont have eyes. Life begins on Friday night. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 1. 276. 93. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. no rich foods. I tell you what always catches my eye. 181. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. I am full of vitality. I understand people talking about me. 228. What do computers eat for a snack? 234. 27. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 114. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. 159. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. 119. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 229. My jokes do. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Friends buy you food. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. It just plain forms. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 116. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. What do computers eat for a snack? The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! It may feel useless but just get into it. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 228. 134. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 6. How do trees access the internet? If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. I know the best time to make fun. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 218. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. The best things in life are free. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 47. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. Today, I am thankful for this week. 124. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. Keep your affirmations in the present. grateful. He who laughs last didnt get it. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. I am intelligent. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Decomposing. 36. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 148. 153. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. 184. Gary Delaney, 248. Education cost money. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 164. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? I can always think of something funny to say. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I intend to live forever. Hes dreaming too. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 1. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Albert King. 19. 34. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. 59. 2. 180. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Friday Affirmations. Paul Ehrlich, 241. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. How do you count cows? You cant have everything, where would you put it? 252. Flip Wilson 36. 220. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] I should have theme music every time I enter a room. 206. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 218. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 216. 1. Today, I look at my goals. 229. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 258. All you need is love. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 16. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. I draw from my inner strength and light. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. 106. Good morning! 215. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. In between, I am alive., 7. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. 154. 7. 163. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 52. Oh sheet!. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. 271. 140. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. They log in. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 211. Find a quiet place without distractions. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. Don't forget to be awesome. Funny Friday Quotes. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. "Today will be a great day". If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 28. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. Jackie Collins If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. 43. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. Never let anyone waste your time twice. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 191. What is Mozart doing right now? Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. 165. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 161. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. 235. I receive what I believe. 1. 241. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. A backbone. It's OK to take a break. My mistakes dont define me. 120. We'll get to that later. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. I thought you said extra fries. 276. But you can always be immature. 22. 75. Read the first word again. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. Its scary when it disappears. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. 122. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. I am grateful for all that I have. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. 208. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! 202. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. I never apologize. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 250. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 15. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. Art doesnt transform. 123. 32. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. Ive been doing nothing for years. 163. The thing is, I am still getting ready. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. 7. 71. 45. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 277. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 25. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". 86. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 1. Today I was a hero. Bill Murray My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 9. I can always be fatter. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 210. 45. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". I nourish my body every day. Franklin Jones 54. Youre talking to yourself. 151. 278. 21. I am adventurous. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. 195. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. 1. 150. 38. 3. Stuart Turner As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. My body deserves love. So, why not team them up? 160. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. 212. 81. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Dave Barry People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 197. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Stuart Turner, 247. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. I get up, dress up, and show up. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. - Benjamin Franklin. 199. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. Have a look! IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 58. "Disconnect to connect.". I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! I am happy and joyful. Not everyone has good taste. No matter what I look like. 76. Theres life without Facebook and internet? To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Bill Murray It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Steve Martin, 254. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 157. 98. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 9. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Not me, but somebody does. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Superwoman: single. Henny Youngman, 246. 211. 166. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. 145. 264. 223. 193. Flip Wilson, 263. 116. - Unkmown. 49. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. 47. - Jeffrey Gitomer. 33. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 219. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Steven Alexander Wright. 26. 118. 146. 253. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. You deserve it! Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. "I receive what I believe.". 50. But it'll move up again.". 87. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. A wishbone. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 9. 18. Robert Bloch. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 113. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Because he was always spotted. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. 7. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. 232. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. 130. - Unknown. Your email address will not be published. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. I honor that time. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. 38. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 127. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. You wanna know who Im in love with? Ken Dodd They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Alison Boulter I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. Snowballs. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. Albert Einstein. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. In the morning, I cant get up. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. Gary Delaney Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Its called tomorrow. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 37. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. Stop trying to make everyone happy. 226. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. It makes them so damned mad. I breathe in and out. 23. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Bill Gates. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. My mind is becoming much sharper. And get over it. When nothing is going right, go left. - Irish Saying. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 273. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 39. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 132. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. 4. Sam Levenson Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. P.D. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. Can February march? Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. 260. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. We need to hear a pin drop. I am quite fascinating. Cindy from Marzahn 196. (John 14:27) 27. 137. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Chris Rock Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. And a funny bone., 10. Mind blown! "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". Sam Levenson. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. I wish my wallet came with free refills. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. 178. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. My mistakes dont define me. 5. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently.